Unit 10

So, unit 10 is a repeat of unit 3 it seems.  There really haven't been any changes since unit 3, please refer to my unit 3 post.  Physically, I haven't changed, still rate myself a 5 probably.  Mentally, I was a 5 or below, however I'm more like a 7.  Spiritually, I was probably a 6 or 7 before, now I'm a 8-9.  I still have a lot of work to do on all these areas, but as I like to say, we all grow at different rates.  I am confident that now I have the tools needed to help aid my continued mental health, which I was in dire need of.  I plan to continue to grow and meditate, work on my physical health as I am ready to, and my spiritual health is just  a product of my mental health, so I will continue to make my mental health my top priority, and as I get that worked on, the other two will follow in place.

Unit 9 Project

Introduction

It is important for health and wellness professionals to develop psychologically, spiritually, and physically for a few different reasons.  The first reason is that in order for a health and wellness professional to help assist their clients to develop in their health and wellness, then the professional should be adept at living a life of health and wellness.  If the professional is adept at practicing what they teach others, then this shows that they believe that the lessons are important enough to practice themselves, and they can prove that the lessons work.  This will also help the professional to be more empathetic towards their clients, which will help them educate in a more effective and understanding manor.  Finally, if the health and wellness professional practices the lessons that they teach, then they themselves will be happier and more at peace in their own personal lives, which will make them better able to help others, rather than being distracted by unhealthy conditions of an unhealthy life such as an unhealthy mind, body and spirit.  I believe that since beginning this class, I have gained a lot of personal peace, and growth resulting in better overall wellness.  That being said, I need to continue to work on all these areas, such as practicing meditation exercises which help focus the thoughts on positive things, relaxing the mind, and ridding myself of unhealthy thoughts and beliefs.  It amazes me how much impact a simple negative thought or fear can affect the course of my day.  Just a simple thought, if I allow myself to elaborate on it, can turn into a downward spiral, however, likewise a simple positive thought such as a positive affirmation can boost my mood, confidence and lead to a more peaceful and productive day.  

Assessment

Compared to the first time I assessed myself in all the areas of spiritual, physical, and psychological health, which were all rated fairly low, I would give myself a much higher score now.  For example, in the area of spiritual health, I would probably give myself a 6-8.  Looking back after learning all that I have in this course, I believe it is safe to say that my previous score in this area would have been around a 4.  Psychologically, I was probably about a 3-4 as well, due to a lot of stress and negative psychological noise, however since I have begun to go to my quiet mental place, I would say it is at least a 6.  This is an area that has been strained for a long time, so there are times when it is lower, however it is much better than it was.  Physically, considering my level of good physical health practices such as diet, exercise, and my physical wellbeing was less than 4, and I would say honestly that I have not really made much more progress in this area, other than relearning some healthy eating habits and doing some form of exercise sometimes, therefore I might rate it a 5 now. 

Goals/Practices for personal health

I have been psychologically, spiritually, and physically unwell for a long time, therefore I understand that true change is going to happen one small step at a time.  I could list any goal just to answer the question, however I am going to be realistic and list my true goals, as small as they are.  Psychologically- one small goal is to consciously practice dwelling in the still place of my mind when I am anxious, upset or afraid.  Now that I have learned what that still place feels like, I can do that.  Spiritually- I plan to continue to practice the witnessing mind exercise, training my mind to focus on something neutral, rather than allowing the ranting thoughts lead my mind.  I also will continue to practice forgiving others, and letting go.  Physically- I plan to go for walks now that it is nice out at least once a week, and I also plan to make a plan, including brain mapping ideas of what doing what I enjoy, while increasing my physical activity.  I plan to do this because it will give me another distracting outlet that is good for my body, but also good for my soul because it will boost my mood. 

Commitment

I recognize that it takes time to truly learn new habits, and I believe habits are developed by practice.  I think it would be easy for life to take over and to forget the lessons I have learned in this class if I do not make a conscience effort to remind myself, and to continue the practices.  Therefore, a strategy that I came up with is to mark my calendar once a month for the next 6 months a reminder to assess my level of fitness in all the different areas of integral health, and to plan and practice how to improve those areas.  This will give me a memory boost.  At the end of the 6 months, ideally my ratings will be much higher and the practices will be more ingrained than they are at this time. 

Unit 8

The two exercises that I found to be the most helpful was the subtle mind exercise and visualization exercise.  I found that these exercises had the most therapeutic effects.  The subtle mind is my favorite, because it helps me to witness my thoughts without feeling controlled or anxious about them, and I have learned a lot about myself, my deeper feelings and needs by doing this exercise, and this has been freeing at times.  I will admit that I have a hard time doing this exercise at will, however, because at times I am too anxious to control my busy thoughts, or I end up falling asleep when I do it.  I plan to continue to practice this exercise when I can.  The visualization exercise helps me to think on bigger and better things, however I find this exercise hard to do without guidance.  I can try to utilize this exercise more by visualizing the important people in my life, such as my children which when I think on them, I find I am able to relax most of the time.  I can also visualize myself and see myself for the special person I am and appreciate it.  I am in such a habit to put myself down, however when I focus on myself in a positive way, it gives me so much strength, happiness and peace.

Unit 6

Here is the assignment for this blog:

Complete the following and post in your blog:

1. Practice the universal Loving Kindness (meditation) exercise on p. 93.
2. Complete the Integral Assessment discussed in chapter 11 (p.115).
3. Describe the exercise and assessment process. What did you discover about yourself? What area have you chosen to be a focus of growth and development? Why? What are some specific exercises or activities that you can implement to foster greater wellness in this area?

I did not take the time to practice the loving kindness exercise, because I have too much going on psychologically right now.. such as inner pressure to get a lot of different things done, and the thought of taking the time to do the exercise is anxiety producing.  That being said I have in a way practiced this exercise without officially sitting down to go through all of the steps.. which relates to the other things I plan to say in this blog.

Reflecting on the different parts of the integral assessment, I have determined that my two most immediate areas that need focus for growth and development are psychospiritual & interpersonal.  By these I mean that I worry all the time and it is very disabling, and my marriage.  I have also identified another psychospiritual factor is connected to both of these areas, and that is that I have very low self-esteem.  I have a diagnosis of OCD, however I no longer am controlled by compulsions to do things to relieve my anxiety (which started when I was 17).  I have read that you are never cured from OCD, and I have found this is true, because it rules a large part of my life.  The most commonly known component of OCD is the need to do ritualistic things such as hand washing repeatedly, in order to relieve anxiety.  Another component of OCD which I still suffer from and have since I was 17 years old when the disorder first manifested is perfectionism.  When I refer to perfectionism, I am not referring to being organized, which everyone seems to lable as being OCD.  Truthfully, I am too overwhelmed in my thoughts to be organized.  If I were to do everything that I feel and think I should do, in the fashion that I feel compelled to do them, then I would have nothing left, and I have 5 kids, homework to do, and a full time job, along with personal pursuits.. therefore I don't give in to those tendencies.  But as part of the OCD, I still obsess if I don't believe I did something right, and I berate myself mentally, or I replay it repeatedly, thinking of what I should have done differently.. and this takes a lot out of me emotionally, and also as a result, I never feel confident or good about myself.  I observe others and how they are able to feel accomplished and proud of themselves because they made a little effort and completed a small thing.  I wish it were that simple for me.  Nothing is ever good enough and I am never good enough, and as a result I am always miserable and my significant others (this spouse and the last) are miserable because they don't understand why I am unable to be happy or satisfied.  They always tell me to relax and not worry.  But that is really hard to do.  

I have accepted that I will always suffer from OCD and have gotten back on medication for it, which helps when it starts taking effect, if it is right.  Specific exercises that I can do?  Well, I can take the time to meditate, even if it just for 5 minutes to reflect.  The witnessing mind exercise has been tremendously helpful, because it allows me to reflect and learn about myself and what my inner needs on.  That is what I reflect on, is what my deeper needs are.  That relates to my marriage.  My current spouse and I have only been married for 2 1/2 years and have a lot of junk to work through, such as misunderstandings and mainly communication.  On my end, what I have had to learn to do is set personal boundaries with my spouse, such as what I will and will not take responsibility for.  His anger is not my fault or my problem, neither is his choices.  It seems that in many unhealthy relationships, or even in normal ones where there is conflict, it has a lot to do with spouses expecting the other spouse to take responsibility or fix something that is not their problem to fix.  On the other hand, as I stop and reflect on my own anger and hurt feelings, meditating (using the witnessing mind exercise), I am beginning to see that a lot of my own anger has more to do with my dissatisfaction with myself, and not on what my spouse is or is not doing, therefore as I stop and sit on my feelings before reacting, and meditate about the deeper issues or my needs, I am able to let myself be responsible for my issues, while communicating to him nicely what my wishes and needs are.  Communication is key.  Also, upon recent reflection, I have gained insight into marriages such as how people tend to leave their marriage when the going gets rough, just to jump into another unhappy relationship.  I think that we need to learn how to make one relationship work, before jumping into another, because a lot of our problems aren't necessarily hopeless, but rather we just don't know how to fix them.  A lot of times there are deeper issues involved that if not fixed on our own end, will just go along with us and contribute to more failure.  I can completely see that we need to fix ourselves.. through learning about ourselves and our personal needs and asking how we can meet those needs in a satisfactory way (that won't hurt us in the long run), and these exercises that help us be more mentally whole and happy are key.  Thanks for reading :)

Unit 5

The following is the assignment for this unit's blog:

Complete the following and post in your blog:

Your mental fitness practice this week incorporates the concept of the subtle mind (Dacher p.75). This week, replace the Loving Kindness exercise of unit four with Practice 2: The Subtle Mind practice mp3 (located in the Doc Sharing thread).

1. Compare and contrast the Loving Kindness exercise and the Subtle mind exercise. Explain your experience including the benefits, frustrations etc.
2. Discuss the connection of the spiritual wellness to mental and physical wellness. Explain how the connection is manifested in your personal life.

The truth is that I really dislike the loving kindness exercise.  I understand and appreciate the concept and find it helpful to focusing on others and forgiving them.  I think that loving others and forgiving them is important to obtain for mental wellness, and letting go of negative harmful thoughts and emotions.  I dislike the exercise because it brings to mind a lot of junk (for lack of better word), and those thoughts are equally powerful, if not more than the loving thoughts I am able to think about.  Not only that, but unlike what is taught in this class, I believe that sometimes negative thoughts/feelings such as anger and unforgiveness are there for a good reason, to help protect us from future harm.  I don't really know if I agree that forgiving someone is the right thing to do, if doing so allows you to overlook treatment that should not be accepted.  For example, I have a family member who has hurt me far more than they have ever benefited my life, and having them in my life was causing stress that I did not feel was fair, therefore I finally cut them out of my life, and therefore they are "out of site, out of mind", and that is far better for my mental health than being exposed to their toxic ways.  Forgiving them would mean bringing up all those hurtful behaviors all over again, and focusing on letting them off the hook, but the thing about it is, they will never change and refuse to see the error of their ways, and would keep doing the same hurtful behaviors over and over again.  No thank you.  I do not believe I should suffer because someone else refuses to change.  Maybe I don't understand forgiveness completely.  I understand the benefit of forgiveness, but I guess that I am saying that sometimes it is best not to forgive so that we don't continue to be hurt.  I cannot separate forgiveness and tolerance in my mind, though I have tried.  

That being said, I really enjoy the witnessing mind exercise, and gain a lot of insight from it.  I think that combining the two exercises is beneficial when you are able to see your interactions with another person through the eyes of love and understanding as they briefly pass through your mind.  I think that physical activities such as stretching/yoga is a great way to relieve stress, and I think that if you combined it with mental health exercises, than it could lead to even more stress relief.  I rarely exercise so it has really not manifested in my life.  

Unit 4

So, I had a difficult time concentrating on the loving-kindness exercise.  I focused more on doing the witnessing mind exercise, in which I just observed my thoughts, because I had a lot of bad thoughts.  I started out focusing on someone and my love for them, and then myself... but so much time lapsed between the speakers leading that by the time they spoke again my mind had gone somewhere else.  I always have difficulty with this exercise, therefore it is my least favorite.  Maybe that is something worth exploring.  I agree with the speaker though that until we love ourselves, it is difficult to love others.  I also see the benefit of doing this exercise, it helps to get our minds off of ourselves and onto others.

Unit 3

Here is a copy/paste of unit 3 assignment:

Based on your reflections, and on a scale of 1 to 10 (ten being optimal wellbeing), where do you rate your A-physical wellbeing, B-spiritual well-being, C-psychological well-being? Why?

Develop a goal for yourself in each area (physical, spiritual, psychological).

What activities or exercise can you implement in your life to assist in moving toward each goal?

Complete the relaxation exercise The Crime of the Century. To hear this exercise, click here. Describe your experience. (What it beneficial? Frustrating? etc.)          

So to answer above questions...

On a scale from 1-10, I rate my physical wellbeing as a 5.  I am able to walk, talk, breath, and without pain (which is more than I can say for a lot of people), so I am doing at least a 5 on the wellness scale.  As far as being physically fit, ummm well that is the 6-10 I need to work on.  Let's be honest, I am overweight (post baby body), and sedentary (I do not like the discomfort of physical activity unless I have to).  So, my goal is to do some daily stretching (which the last time was several days ago, so I am due today).  I also plan on making the time, putting on my tennis shoes and playing kick ball with my kids and hubby today (yesterday when they were playing, I was watching the hamburger meat cooking... always have too much to do).  I've also asked my hubby to fix my bike so I can start going on bike rides with kiddos or by myself.  I have even more goals like purchasing the "just dance" games for my son's xbox.

On a scale from 1-10 I rate my spiritual wellness a 5 (actually, I really don't know what to rate it anymore).  I am a christian and feel confident in God's love and good will, and for the most part I have a lot of faith in prayer and that is one of my most effective coping skills.  However, I deal with a lot of poisonous beliefs (due to a negative history and relationships), and I am also a naturally pessimistic person, because I have found that reality is usually not a bed of roses and am not willing to delude myself.  So, there is an inconsistency between my belief in God, his promises, and his good will, and my own poisonous mindset.  I have developed so much self-awareness since the last time I took this class, and just as I've grown as a person, however I am at the point now where I am really willing to unlearn some unhealthy  mindsets and practices, however making it a realty is hard to do.  It is hard for me to completely understand the difference between the mind and spirit.  I think a lot of this is about mental wellness, which than leads to spiritual wellness so I'll go ahead and add that I rate my mental wellness anywhere from 3-5, depending on the day.  I plan to practice more meditation, especially the witnessing mind (we learn about later) which opens the mind up so much, exposing the mind's thoughts and feelings without judgement, and focusing on the positive.  

The relaxation exercise took a while before it was relaxing to me.  Some of the visualizations made me feel anxious or uncomfortable, because it reminded me of the anxieties that I had.  However, as it went on I started to realize that I let these stressors weigh me down, and began to see myself more whole.  I strongest colors for me were the orange, yellow and aqua.