Complete the following and post in your blog:
Your mental fitness practice this week incorporates the concept of the subtle mind (Dacher p.75). This week, replace the Loving Kindness exercise of unit four with Practice 2: The Subtle Mind practice mp3 (located in the Doc Sharing thread).
- Compare and contrast the Loving Kindness exercise and the Subtle mind exercise. Explain your experience including the benefits, frustrations etc.
- Discuss the connection of the spiritual wellness to mental and physical wellness. Explain how the connection is manifested in your personal life.
The truth is that I really dislike the loving kindness exercise. I understand and appreciate the concept and find it helpful to focusing on others and forgiving them. I think that loving others and forgiving them is important to obtain for mental wellness, and letting go of negative harmful thoughts and emotions. I dislike the exercise because it brings to mind a lot of junk (for lack of better word), and those thoughts are equally powerful, if not more than the loving thoughts I am able to think about. Not only that, but unlike what is taught in this class, I believe that sometimes negative thoughts/feelings such as anger and unforgiveness are there for a good reason, to help protect us from future harm. I don't really know if I agree that forgiving someone is the right thing to do, if doing so allows you to overlook treatment that should not be accepted. For example, I have a family member who has hurt me far more than they have ever benefited my life, and having them in my life was causing stress that I did not feel was fair, therefore I finally cut them out of my life, and therefore they are "out of site, out of mind", and that is far better for my mental health than being exposed to their toxic ways. Forgiving them would mean bringing up all those hurtful behaviors all over again, and focusing on letting them off the hook, but the thing about it is, they will never change and refuse to see the error of their ways, and would keep doing the same hurtful behaviors over and over again. No thank you. I do not believe I should suffer because someone else refuses to change. Maybe I don't understand forgiveness completely. I understand the benefit of forgiveness, but I guess that I am saying that sometimes it is best not to forgive so that we don't continue to be hurt. I cannot separate forgiveness and tolerance in my mind, though I have tried.
That being said, I really enjoy the witnessing mind exercise, and gain a lot of insight from it. I think that combining the two exercises is beneficial when you are able to see your interactions with another person through the eyes of love and understanding as they briefly pass through your mind. I think that physical activities such as stretching/yoga is a great way to relieve stress, and I think that if you combined it with mental health exercises, than it could lead to even more stress relief. I rarely exercise so it has really not manifested in my life.
Wow, Jenifer, this is a powerful entry. I have to admit, you grabbed my attention initially because you stated you did not care for the Loving Kindness exercise. I actually enjoyed it, so I was anxious to read why you had a different opinion. Your explanation hit close to home. I had to cut a branch off of my family tree a couple years ago. I tried a couple times before in the past, but I ended up forgiving AND allowing them back in my life. That was a huge mistake. Just like you said, they burned me even worse the second and third times. This time I decided to forgive them, yet not allow them back in my life. I am not forgiving them for the harm they caused my family. I forgive them for not having what it takes to be kind, free of jealousy, and admit to their own mistakes. They do not know how to apologize and make things right by not repeating the same (or worse) behaviors. For that, I forgive them. It took me over a year to get to that place of forgiveness, and now I no longer feel anger or hurt when I think of what they did. If nothing, that helps me feel more loving kindness. I think you have made a very wise decision to keep your guard up around the person who has hurt you, yet I do hope you are able to find the place where those negative emotions attached to that person can fade, for your benefit. I also think it helps a little to admit that this person's behavior is not your fault, and likely has nothing to do with you. When we invest emotionally in people, I think we expect to be treated fairly. Sadly, this does not always happen, and I think the kindest people are usually the ones who end up being treated poorly. I am sorry to hear you had to experience this, but thanks for sharing your honest opinions.
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Bree, I really like the point you made about realizing that the other person's behavior is not your fault. Very important! I would love it if you would read my response as well so I don't have to repeat it all here. LOL. There are a lot of people in pain in the world. I don't know anyone who hasn't been hurt by someone somehow. Some worse than others. I have a fairly new friend who I'm trying to help in this regard. She's having a hard time letting go of her past and is letting it affect her life now to the point where she may be getting a divorce. Also she is very guarded from having been hurt and backstabbed so many times so it's hard for her to let me in. But I'm here for her and hope she will let me help her. I've been there and I know it's hard.
Delete~ Jen
Forgiveness is more for yourself than it is for the other person. Bitterness can destroy a person and if it doesn't it definitely leaves a lot of negativity in the person's heart. I understand why you do not want to allow a person who is perpetually causing you pain to remain in your life. I have a similar situation with my Father. There comes a point when you do have to decided whether or not it is healthy to allow someone like this to remain in your life. Forgiving the person does not mean that you have to allow them in your life. Or at the very least you can get some distance. For instance my Father (who is mentally abusive and a master manipulator) and I haven't spoken in over a year now. This is not the first time I've taken this much distance from him but this time I don't know if we'll ever talk again. I would have to see some real change in him to allow it at this point. But that doesn't mean that I don't forgive him. My forgiving him doesn't change who he is or how he acts. So it's healthier for me to keep him at a distance. That's not what I want but that's what I have to do at this point. Also we must realize that we are imperfect beings. We are told to forgive and forget, but that's often not possible. I struggled with this a few years ago wondering if that meant that I ever forgave the person in the first place. My best friend told me something that has stuck with me since then and that was that it's ok to forgive them again as many times as you need to. It's all about release and letting go of the pain, bitterness and frustration so that you can move on and that person will no longer have a hold on your life. As long as you hold on to hate (even strong dislike) and bitterness that person will always have a hold on you. So forgiveness to me is also about taking that power away from them. It's a stronghold that needs to be broken down so that you can be free of it. There also a great Bible study that helped me with this and I highly recommend it. It's called Breaking Free by Beth Moore. I recommend it to people all of the time. I don't know if this helps you at all but I really hope that you are able to forgive and move one. Don't feel bad if that means leaving someone behind. Sometimes there's no other way. God bless!
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